Wow, this is an odd saved post (2 years ago in fact) I never posted….hm….I shall just “drop” this here then. 🙂
There’s this really nice fanfiction story called “Loneliest Road” by ExecutiveShrimp. It’s around 12 chapters, and 120,000 words. Scary no? It’s a tedious story, but a good one…especially if you grasp the meaning of it. The title does it justice. The two main character go on a road trip across the country, and take US Route 50, aka the “Loneliest Road in America”. Fancy, huh. It’s actually a thing, people, there’s a website and all. There’s a little brochure and stamp booklet you can ask Nevada to send to you before you decide to take this mini road trip. *cough cough* You can tell I’m totally interested. Haha. A girl in my art class once said “Before I marry a man, we are going on a road trip. If we can’t stand each other for two weeks in a RV, then I’m not marrying him.” I think every couple should challenge themselves like that. See what two weeks in an RV can accomplish. It might make your life a bit easier, no?
Now I know many people look down on fanfictions, but like many other things, if you find the right one, it’s the damn right one. This story…reached out and told my story, my story of being alone, my story of trust, my story of love, my story…of all the shit and crap that has happened in my life…my story of the future, because I know the future will be like this, I know that whatever high hopes I have, it is all just hopes, nothing more, nothing less. For one of the main characters in this fanfiction, it’s all about finding himself. For me, it’s about holding on to sanity.
Being lonely, sucks. Let’s start with that. Then, let’s continue with my whines and complains about life. I’m an only child. I’m Asian. I’m an atheist. I went to a small private, catholic school. I learned How to Speak, Talk, and Read Chinese 101 before English. I have an accent. I was (and still) made fun of. I look different. I grew up a loner. I never had a friend that lasted me more than one year back in elementary school. I lost the one friend I still had from middle school due to stupidity. I let my social life trample my academics life. I’m stupid. I fell out of consecutive honor roll status the third quarter of my sophomore year by 0.08 points. I’m stupid. I’m Chinese. I’m stupid. I don’t have a 4.0 GPA. I’m stupid. I have a 1760 SAT score. I’m stupid. I’m in college preparatory English class, not honors, not AP. I’m stupid. Are you annoyed yet? I am. I don’t have a great history you see, but I don’t have the worst. There are people out there that suffer through way worst situations, mind-blowing situations. But let’s not compare, please. Let’s just focus on the topic at hand.
Loneliness. Do you truly know what Loneliness means? It means no friends. It means no family. It means you lie on your bed and cry yourself to sleep. It means you walk the mall all alone. It means every path you take, you take it alone. It means every choice you’ve made, you’ve made yourself. It means sitting there, at your desk, and nothing comes to mind. No name, no face, no love. It means darkness. I’m a lonely person. Who’s to blame? People? Classmates? Education? Schools? Administration? Neighbors? or maybe you family, more specially, your parents. And I have. My parents are loners. They’re anti-social. Every single person I know, I know because of myself. Every single person they know, they know because of me. Every friend I’ve made, it’s not because my parents were friends with their parents, no! All I have now, I’ve worked for. I’ve worked for. But then how is it I’m all alone? I have parents, I have friends, I’m still a lonely person. I’m a lonely person because of ME. Who’s there to blame? Me. My choices. My choices. Your choices. Why are you alone? Blame yourself. You wouldn’t be sitting there if it weren’t because of you. Welcome to life people.
In a way, my story of life sums up to this. I grew up. Now I’m a Senior. Now, someone’s “life” story can either really really long, or too vague. That sentence was my “vague story”, but I hope to start a little journey story now, chapter by chapter. After all, it’s the chapters that bring “life” to life.
Onward, to my first chapter…my story about being alone.